Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize