i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
