You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
porn star boner night. come get it.
i drank out of a bidet.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
