I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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