I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize