a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
