i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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