I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
