drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
