I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize