I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
