Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize