I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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