I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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