just come out here and I will go home with you...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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