Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
