So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Randomize
