I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
