He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He? As in you personified your dick?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
