if you like me you must not know who I am
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
