I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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