He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
