Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
