Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
