I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
