I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
wow bdsm is so cute
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize