i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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