One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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