we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
