I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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