$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
