I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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