It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
