I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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