I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It's official drugs can't kill me
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
