Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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