he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
