i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
