The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
