I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
