Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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