Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
