He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize