Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize