I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
