Where did you get a picture of my penis
Me. At least after what I've been through.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
