i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
