Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize