The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize