The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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