Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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