So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
How does one acquire holy water?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
