3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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