they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
