3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Randomize
