My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
