Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
