I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
