Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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