Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
