I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
