This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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