Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
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