i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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