Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
