I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
