thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
