Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
