Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
