naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
