Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
