If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
two words...techno handjob
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
