May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
