He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
