i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
