I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Randomize
