imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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