walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
