I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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