Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Randomize
