Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Two words: nipple clamps
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