We named our party play list daddy issues
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Someone came in the potted fern
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize