So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
