I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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