My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
