just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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