I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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