Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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