one two three fourrrrnication!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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