people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
