The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
